Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I . Look at the size of his putter. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. If you break 80, watch your business. Please add a link to this article. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Why not! Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I am a Musician. I was off to-day! In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. PG Wodehouse. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? P.G. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. The actor's quote relays an essential truth: Even the most mild-mannered golfer tends to lose his head when he sees or suspects someone else has hit or picked up his golf ball. Golf is very much like a love affair. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Gerald Ford, If there is any larceny in a man, golf will bring it out. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? Here, have a carrot! The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. You okay with that? Clubbing. I never prayed that I would make a putt. After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Golf is more complicated than that. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Many golfing terms sound naughty. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. Golf is like doing your taxes. 6. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. 4. 1. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. You wont be able to keep your head down long enough. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". So that you can share them back, with the whole world. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Damn, girl. You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. You must remember not to remember to think. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. 7. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Get in the hole! Because you got me soaking wet. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. P.G. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. 9. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. If you drink, dont drive. Their fore-fathers! Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Or under. The worst day of mini golf beats the best day of work. Putter Around. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Why are golf and sex so similar? THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. He said. My shaft is bent. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. If you break 80, watch your business.". Wash your balls. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Find the ball. Thats incredible. Dirty Golf Sayings. Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. I like big putts and I cannot lie. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. Its almost a law. Your second mental problem is concentration. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. The most important shot in golf is the next one. 2. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. Correct one fault at a time. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Happy Gilmore. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. So, what are your thoughts? -Happy Gilmore. It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing youre a bad golfer. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. Whos there? It can be difficult. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? A dinner without wine. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Drop some in the comments! Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Drops him off at the golf course! The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. 8. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Are you a water hazard? A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. fodrizzle. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. All of them. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Keep your head down. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? You shot an eight. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Why did the golfer have to change his socks? They like cricket better. What does a golfer do on his day off? "Hockey is a sport for white men. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton, 63. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. And there are windmills. In the Golf of Mexico! Just in case they get a slice! What do golf and sex share in common? It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. Try choking donw on the shaft. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. I'm Tiger Woods.

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